People are impatient. 

They want things to happen overnight, 

and have no idea of the circumstances and situations that 

can surround an individual at times.

Rohit Sharma

 

 

 

 

Have you ever just kinda been hanging out doing things and gotten some random text. You reply and then starts the downhill slope of the person who texted you nit picking your words apart and then flipping it all saying your the one who caused the now increasing tension and rapidly evolving anger that is rising in you? This is what happened to me tonight... And I'm stuck at this very moment between WTF and which of my backlogged CSI episodes I could use in a creative way to get away with doing some fucked up BONES episode worthy murder type shit... 

I suppose I should give a bit of background as to what happened huh? I had just finished dinner and was kinda all bloaty fat girl chillin. (Yeah don't front every last one of you bitches know what Im talkin about) I got a text kinda random and out of no where as it had been a bit since I heard from the person in question... Not ages but long enough that the text was unexpected at that specific moment and the question threw me off. 

Person: Answer this question

Me: What?

Person: U love me?

Me Yes?

Ok so at this point I'm cool, simple right? Yeah nothing for me can be that fucking simple. 

 

Person: Yes? Lol

Person: Questioning your answer?

 

 

Ok...... Here I wish to point out... ANYONE who knows me.. Knows I NEVER question my answers on ANYTHING. I take nothing lightly. I don't have time for questioning myself and If I say something I damn well mean it. This person has known me for YEARS. Not one or two years. Im talking a decade. So more than fucking long enough to know me and know how I am.

 

Me: No.. Questioning why you're asking.

Person: Haven't heard it from u in awhile 

Person: Baby it's not difficult

 

And here we go.... This is where my issues begin... Why.... WHY would you say some shit like that to me KNOWING how I am? Everyone who knows me knows well I don't do all the lovey dovey emotional bullshit. I make my feelings more than clear to the ones I love. IF you have earned your place in my heart than there is NEVER doubt that I love you. Why must I stroke egos with "I love you" every few minutes? Words mean shit to me. Its actions. Its emotions. Its the REAL shit that means something to me. And I have never failed to make my emotions or my actions speak loudly enough that they can be misconstrued. 

 

Me: What isn't  (At this point I know Im getting pissed and I should back the fuck off but the cunt in me needs to see where this is going so I don't snap off for no good reason)

 

Person: To

Person: Say

Person: I

Me: Never claimed it was.

Person: Love

Person You

Person: You're making this difficult.. are u ok

Me: Making what difficult "person"? Why wouldn't I be ok?

Person: Lol.. because you texted yes?

Person: Ok moving on lol

Me: You text me the question how did you expect me to reply?

Me: You're starting to piss me off.

Person: Ok Ok I'm backing off.. sorry

 

Of course backing off would mean he actually stopped and god forbid he do such a thing because that means he would stop picking me apart and he can't have that. I have zero patience for being picked apart and then when the person doesn't get the desired results then proceeds in blaming me for it all... My entire life I have never been an overtly affectionate person. Does that mean I don't love the people in my life or that I don't say it or show it? No. What it does mean is that I don't see a need in repeatedly say I love you every few minutes. I don't see a need in huge displays of affection to make my feelings known. Amazingly enough in all of my living years no one has had a complaint until this one person? How is that? How is it that in 39 years only one person seems to see me as some frigid unfeeling person? I understand that I can be closed off. I tend to shut down around people I don't know. In my daily life I can literally go days without speaking to anyone. If I have nothing to say than whats the point? And If I don't know you I shy away. Now If you piss me off it makes no difference if I know you or not I will open my mouth and let the whole fucking world know what I think. If I find a conversation interesting I will involve myself in it if invited. I just see no need to have to stroke peoples egos, with fake friendships or fake emotions. If I love you, you know it. Will I tell you. Of course, will I do it constantly to keep your fragile emotions saturated? No I will not. 

 

 

I will repeat this time and time again... To anyone who feels the need to pick apart my words or lack there of. To flip shit when it doesn't go your way and then lay the blame on me for it all. 

 

I AM NOT THE ONE

 

I will not be cowed and I sure as fuck won't sit idly by while you make me feel bad for being who I am. This is why I keep distant and this is why I pull away. Do not be mistaken, I will shut you out just as fast as I let you in.